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I have been super lost lately. But this feeling has been persisting for quite some time. I used to think it was healthy because at least I acknowledge the fact that I wasn't satisfied with my current situation. At the same time, I have been finding ways to alleviate the anxieties that my brain undergoes, it could range from renting a car and taking a trip to the coast, or simply reading articles for inspiration. I know I am not alone. My mood fluctuates like never before. One day I'd be super positive about my future, and one day everything just seems like they're falling apart.

For this month, I have been trying to make progress - be it working on a new personal project to upgrade my outdated portfolio, finish reading The Elements of User Experience: User-Centered Design for the Web and Beyond (which I highly recommend. It's easy to read and very engaging so far), or simply driving down to the Oregon Coast to clear my mind. I am also planning my trip back home for two weeks. I am also debating whether I should invest more money on online courses, or an in-person course of relearning the fundamentals of UX design because I realized I really want to be a part of that based on my background in Political Economy. In case you don't already know, I am highly interested in using empathy to carve out meaningful processes that would elevate the user experience.

But it all takes money. Money doesn't come easy either. Like a lot of other millennials, I am hustling and jumping between two jobs. I'm not sure whether I need further education or not, or I can simply take certain 'right' steps to break into UX.

I realized how difficult it is to try to straighten things when I feel like I've made all the wrong decisions back then. I wish I invested more time in UX design other than coding. I still enjoy the front-end aspects of web development. At the same time, I wish more time was allocated in finding mentorship and attending meetups. 

But instead of complaining, I really should be dedicating time and effort to keep trying.