Closing Time.
Been sitting here for almost two hours. Got a beer and determined to start applying to jobs and write an updated cover letter. Didn't end up doing any of it. I ended up reading the blog I created about 4-5 years ago. The main purpose was to find my own voice again. I feel like I haven't been myself lately. I talk about things I am interested but I have never been able to openly and feel comfortable to deep dive into those interests. I have an uneasy feeling that people are bored, or they are only listening because they feel obligated to.
I am liking the Seattle rain at the moment. For some reason, I feel like the weather has always been coincidentally reflecting the current emotions I am undergoing.
“Everything has boundaries. The same holds true with thought. You shouldn't fear boundaries, but you should not be afraid of destroying them. That's what is most important if you want to be free: respect for and exasperation with boundaries.”
Excuse me while I rediscover the definition of feeling okay. Lately I've been pushing boundaries, to such an extent that at times I feel uncomfortable. But perhaps I can compare this to learning to ride a bike. I fall, get up, only to fall back down once again.
Even though I am getting older by age, I am not entirely sure if my brain is growing in the same speed. I've gained momentum on the way but I realized as you mature, your mind always reflects the person you were while you were younger. The experiences you undergo at a tender age tend to be the ones that shape your personality and how you respond to things. I acted like I was invincible, but guess what? I ended up being the one getting hurt again.